In exactly 160 days I will be a married gal. I guess crazier things have happened.
Until I got engaged in August, I never realized how far in advance I would need to pin down those vendors, how much pressure I would feel to make this day one that all my dreams will live up to, and how many tiny decisions you make between pre-engagement and I Do. I think everything really started to hit me when the mentions of getting engaged become more common and I began (somewhat obsessively) researching rings. It was then that I started thinking “damn, this is it.”
Not “this is it” in a doom and gloom kind of way. But more like “I’ve been dreaming of my wedding since I was 3 years old and now this is really happening and I don’t know where to start and what am I going to wear omgomgomg.” Given that I put way more pressure than necessary on myself for everything I do (hello, Virgo) it should come as no surprise that my wedding would be any different. I want it to be perfect. I want it to be the favorite wedding in history for every guest who attends. I want to look like the most gorgeous person everrrrrrr!
But seriously, I don’t have an unlimited budget, I’m terrified of plastic surgery and have frizzy hair, and, well, nothing is perfect. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be close.
This realization set in when I started looking at venues and more venues and more venues. I probably looked at 15+ places and still was not satisfied. There was something I didn’t love about every place I visited, be it an inconvenient location, an ugly ceiling or a dislike of the person who was giving me the tour. Why wasn’t I finding a place that gave me the chills and that I just KNEW was where I was meant to get married?
This same thing happened when I was looking at dresses. I felt so much pressure to have that magical sparkling moment when the sky opens up, angels sing, a spotlight shines on me and I say “I’m saying yes to this dress.” Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? Is there something wrong with me that I’m not seeing stars?
Eventually we found a venue that is gorgeous and I bought a dress that is almost identical to my initial vision. Although the only crying that occurred happened I was getting frustrated that I wasn’t finding what I thought I was looking for rather than when I was pulling out the credit card.
The process of getting married is scary. You’re nervous about making the right decisions, you second guess yourself one million times, you consider elopement more than once. But in the end I know that my day really is going to be the best and with every decision I’m closer to making that almost-perfect day a reality.